Any subtle feeling you experience… It’s not invalid. Treat it as natural and a real part of the world, and you will not go insane.
For me daily, my muscles behave as if I have done hard labour all day upon waking. I never seem relaxed, and for all intents and purposes I never am. I have a somatic instinct. My shape even seems to change to people. If it’s off, in moments of composure my skeleton realigns, even some fine joints from the weirdness of having over elastic connective tissue. Even face shape change. Basic bio mass remains the same of course, and my indicator traits don’t alter unless I’m in a really strange mood.
I do tend to get into a non caring mode, and my physical appearance in that mode is actually relaxed. The systems get relaxed because I want to climb out of my body. I’m positively relaxed then, so perhaps should care about my body and my physical existence less. When I’m least interested in my physical existence this is when I start seeing that spiritual element more, and then instinct kicks in. Though this isn’t a joy for me, I can’t resist the urge to do it. It is like the spiritual is very animal for me.
Freedom versus reason? Which is freedom and which reason? Well, I know that I am most me when I am least the me that people see. But that is when the drama kicks in and though I don’t want to ground, I do involuntarily as I help them. I have to join them in this flesh. It forces me to orient and see it from that view even if it isn’t natural to me. That sound psycho?
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.