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The only power is what comes from the heart.

Controlled Depression in Depression


How can we be depressed on purpose? How would one live with a controlled depression?

Is there really much difference between clinical depression and just feeling sad, or is it just a matter of severity? It’s actually a matter of balance. Both can be equally severe, but they don’t necessarily involve the same things.

For a moment, let’s discuss depressions more popular counterpart. Elation. How many of you enjoy being elated?

I do, usually.

Elation can be an enemy if its part of a bipolar type mood swing. Indeed, it can.

I see the draw of it, but I see it as big an illusion as depression, equally misguided.

The more intense the elation leads to a deeper more painful downswing.

As a matter of fact, clinical depression is also called unipolar disorder. Elation, as nice as it feels, is actually just as helpful or harmful as depression. Our value judgements are really rather misguided.

I find when I can not stop laughing it’s not always a nice feeling. Indeed, hysteria can be really unpleasant, or rather hebephrenic.

This was a huge awakening for me at one point. That to free myself of depression and achieve peace, I had to let go of elation. It does involve letting go of elation seeking, yes. But you likewise have to let go of elation avoidance as well, and depression avoidance.

I guess that’s why depression leads to drug use? They find the elation in the drug. It’s why people try self medicating, yes.

I experience that now and then. This poisonous, hyperactive elation where I feel capable of doing absolutely anything, but I’m so hyperactive I am almost out of control.

Learning to differentiate between what is a normalish good mood and manic elation is, I think, part of it.

I used to take lots of caffeine and sugar in high school to try to push myself out of depression and into elation.

I have had those episodes. It’s a classic MS profile too.

Manic elation. I relate to the Joker again when I hear that. His laugh is far from happy. Yes, the jokers laugh is outrage.

Our society tells us that elation is what we all must have. Just look at the ads and pictures in the malls. Smiling speed freaks. Very true.

In my case, autism is universally co-morbid with depression. So if you wish, I can speak from a personal model.

In the case of autism, every sensory experience is too intense. Sweetness is sickening, anger is deafening, smells are nauseating. Everything has an aversive quality to it, and even worse, the sensory information is never whole. It comes in half digested chunks. So, as they sometimes say that the bitter comes with the sweet, in the case of autism, this isn’t so. The sweet most often comes only in moments of silence, after the stimulus has passed.

So this state I spoke of can lead to a definitive and all encompassing nihilism. The autistic that is wearing sound dampening headphones and rocking back and forth mumbling to themselves is doing so for a reason. They want it all to go away. It is very depressing. Because at the same time they want love and friendship and fun, they want a clear head, and they have a constant stream of people bombarding them with prompts to behave in some expected way. The violent outbursts are almost inevitable.

My reason for saying this does relate to the topic of Depression. If you have no choice as to the behaviour of your mind, what do you have a choice on?

My reaction to it? Exactly. Knowing that you are on the verge of depression or that you are depressed, you can come to an understanding of what you can gain from it. What you sought to gain that brought you to the depression. You can’t make water into land, but you can swim.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive

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