Consider this notion should reflect your truth. There is only heaven. When death comes to anyone, to some it comes as an angel of mercy. Release from a life well lived and properly ended. For others, death comes as the avatar of a life squandered. A horrific demon off to drag them away from the chance they blew.
Not being a part of the system of judgements, which you didn’t yourself create anyway, goes a long way to helping you see the issue of obligation clearly. Ignoring your obligations all together is no more wise than subscribing to everyone anyone passes to you, because other people have held obligations to you as well. Any connection you reject shuts off an avenue of supply as well as demand.
Unless the person in question is all demand, because they “have nothing to give”? Who here has nothing to give anyone? We all have time and energy, and talents of one nature or another, no?
I have plenty to give when I choose to give it. It should be when you choose to give it. I have refused gifts from people that I didn’t ask them for, because I recognize the nature of their giving. They seek to foster an obligation that will only drain me more than their gift is worth.
I refuse the gift of anger. Oh indeed, and some accept the gift of anger. I do, but I know how to use it.
Many give a gift that isn’t wanted in order for them to feel their obligation is fulfilled. To accept those gifts feels like I’m enabling their illusion. And those gifts should properly be refused.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is a truth that’s sometimes called tough love. Oh indeed, very true. This is my most cherished possession, and therefore also the thing I most often share. I never share what I do not myself value, unless another indicates they want it.
Maybe a silly question, but how do you know when the gift is genuine generosity? It’s easy to tell. It will either be in response to a need of yours that you have shared, or show that they have been observing your life and needs. If their intention comes from genuine generosity, they will have a motivation to know you and what you need.
If we hear a truth, we feel it. If it hurts, it needs addressing. I rely on that also. It is a good guide. Another aspect of knowing genuine generosity is if the person, in having their gift simply accepted, shows no remorse in having given it to you. Example, I have an obligation to my lovely wife, but it isn’t one she creates for me. It’s a conviction of my heart. I love her, and that love needs expression. If I fail in this obligation I will suffer, but not from any punishment that comes from her.
Obligations should be viewed as our gifts. Most people don’t see them like that, but they should. Which obligations do you actually want to have? The gifts we want to give. Same thing.
I place this first, and it has destroyed some previous relationships I have had. I see in hindsight those relationships needed to end, but I place my personal path of growth and sense of direction before anything else. Not to the exclusion of anything else, but I feel and always have felt that first I must be myself, then offer myself to another.
When thought of as gifts, it makes me think there are more obligations I may want to create for myself. The secret of life is not to avoid obligations, but like in any act of creative self expression, recognize the medium for what it is and own your response ability in it. It isn’t the stone that makes your creativity possible. Like clay or paint, it’s you first, then what you will work with. Your life is your magnum opus, your great work, but you are told by society that you can only use some colors when there are more just right at hand.
We do have obligations to ourselves, and it’s those obligations that we usually are the first to neglect, and then resent others because they don’t pick up where we abandoned ourselves. This of course makes no sense at all.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.