The system of ‘should’ doesn’t seem to have anyone who’s knowingly in charge. It’s sort of like a mental virus. Choice is power. Should is force and static.
Here is an example of negative self judgement. A man feels that there must be something wrong with any woman who wants to be with him, and feeling this way has him sabotaging his relationships. In this case, he has learned to take relationships seriously, and likely has looked at his own behaviour in a very factual light. He can likely be very real with people. If he could see that his problem isn’t the problem and see the truth that lets him supposedly see this problem, he would not sabotage his relationships. He would see what he has to offer. He sees a weakness and his insight is a strength, but he judges his weakness greater than his strength. When his strength goes into feeding that weakness, he likely tires himself keeping that judgement of his self.
In my case, I tend to see myself without power in general. In my life I do a great deal, yet things seem to remain static. I hear of change, yet seem not to see this change. Not right here with me. So it seems that in all my doing I do nothing. Perhaps it is avoiding risk. But because I have identified that as a problem, I think a great deal on power and capability. I notice it in others, and I hope I manage as I am able to empower others with my insights. Thus a strength from a weakness. The ideas, strength or weakness, don’t have much real meaning. They are judgements we make.
We value our judgements, even the ones we say are hurtful to us. We value our own self inflicted pain. We may be totally wrong in how we have assessed things, but we will cling. As the old saying goes, is better the devil you know. Pain can seem to provide security. It’s not the judgements that are wrong, it’s how we judge. In a state of not knowing, we seek to exclude any new insight.
Here is another example. A man’s view of her determines her self worth. She has no worth unless she is acknowledged and has a purpose. I would ask her, does a woman’s judgement of you have the same impact? If no, then why not? Your self worth. Consider that phrase ‘self worth’. Do you have a sense of self? Your worth to any man is not your self worth is it? Your only consistent purpose, the only purpose that won’t betray you, is self selected. These men who you base your self worth on, they aren’t in any better position than you. They are no more wise than you, and are very possibly “self-serving” which doesn’t and can never give you purpose.
You have no redeeming values? You have judged yourself that way. You have been told this by men, and men tell themselves this, and were told by their fathers. Were these wise men? Happy men? Do happy people, men or women, behave that way? The truly peaceful or content torment others? Who are you to judge? Yet, you do. The same applies to them, but they unlike you don’t reflect on judgement. If anything, though you have seen it as a weakness, you have developed much more strength.
For all who would judge, consider the impact of their own judgment in their lives. I have found that people don’t endure in a belief by abstinence alone. Telling them to buck up, to stand up for themselves, isn’t much help. We do a thing when we realize why we should.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.