Suppression for the common good. Abstinence makes the heart grow colder. Makes it grow downright dead. I often speak of how I feel alone, and people usually just dismiss it as more drama, as my anxiety. No, it’s just my experience.

I can see this pattern of communication and reaction.  The initial action even comes from a dead source and institution that has no purpose but to enrich its head, be that government or business. There isn’t actually any thought. Dollar bills don’t think, nor do people whose sole purpose in life is to gain dollar bills. So everywhere I go it’s like I’m staring at credit cards, and they aren’t great conversationalists. Their faces are dead, their thoughts routine. I can see the wraith of a soul that once lived there. At times I contemplate resurrection, but the wraiths aren’t friendly. They have been taught to defend their masters, and often do to their death (cancer, heart attack). They don’t want to be awake. Then they would have to accept that their pain is their fault.

Fight yourself and inevitably you lose. Self control isn’t self discipline. It’s like hitting yourself so the other person won’t have to. Self discipline is proper focus. It isn’t about control and you don’t need a censor. You will have plenty of opposition anyway, and that’s fine. For everyone who thinks something should go one way, someone else will have the opposite idea.

Death of soul winds up with death of the flesh. A machine not looked after wastes away. They worry about all these little things, but give no thought to what has been driving them mad in the first place. They don’t work to live, they work to die. So they can forget why they were fighting with their spouses, why their life feels so empty, and why their kids are so miserable. Which makes them even more afraid, because the children really are our future. I know fear really well. You might say it’s my whole world, and I’m not talking about my fear.

To reference Heinlein, fear is the mind killer. We can’t learn much from living in fear. It’s sort of like saying you can learn to live from killing yourself. We can adapt to circumstance like being sick, but we can’t adapt to self inflicted injury like fear. The only way to change that is to see that you are doing it, own that choice, then let yourself heal. In my case, that wasn’t my challenge. Seeing why I didn’t work for others was my challenge.

You don’t avoid a fear by ignoring it. That is like the child’s behaviour when they block their own vision and declare that the parent can’t see them. If a snake threatens you, it is best to watch it very closely. Respect is the opposite of fear, and respect leads to right action. What is there is there, and it is bigger than you. It came about not by you, but by the actions of the world itself although you are there too. So don’t cry unfair, the world isn’t listening. The unfair thing is there for a reason. The real question is, “What will you do?“ That is what matters. What is in you to do? For me, it is in me to love. So knowing your fear what would you choose? Will you choose the fear still? Do you have any vision that is really yours?

People label me disabled because of my social reactions, my isolation, and reactions to routine behaviour. I react to what I see. It is very hard for me to find anything to work with, and I’m just not equipped to play the popular game. It drains me really quickly, and I won’t smash my hand just because you gave me a hammer and told me to.

Heretic? Yes. This is what I am, warlock, betrayer, oath breaker, but I didn’t make the promise in the first place. Promises were made to me as they were to everyone else, I just saw they were empty. I thought people could be reached by faking it and speaking the language of the promise. That doesn’t work either.

Do you think there is actually hope that the world can pull out of it? In a way. Eventually they will have to confront their fear head on because of what they did. It will be a real “What the f#@k?” moment. It is going to make things very complicated, and actually it already is. Any adaptation will be small. One monkey washes its food, eventually its troupe does, then eventually they all do. We adapt to circumstance. We don’t and can’t adapt to self inflicted injury.

So, people do need to crash to change? Depends on the person. Depends on how awake they are. If they open their eyes even a little bit they might start walking on purpose rather than being the blind lead by the deaf. The bigger the crowd the more asleep they seem to get. Then they can say, “It’s not my fault.” If it hurts, it is your fault, or just a circumstance. But in the case of circumstance it will pass, and no need to get over worried.

Wu wei. Rather than make a way to deal with things, use the way that is in the supposed problem anyway. Life finds a way.

All staring into the abyss I’ve shown? Jump on in the emptiness is fine.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~