I found a piece of paper last night. It was something I wrote twenty years ago. Philosophical, reflective and had frustration in it. I saw it and knew what it was, and it was so long ago that I have no real intellectual attachment to it. It surprised me when I read it and started crying. It makes me wonder, where is that inside? People say “that is behind me”. The human soul isn’t linear. There is no behind for it to go into, so instead it goes deeply within. Anything you think you have shed, you actually are clinging to.

There is a lot of emphasis on self control. It’s publicly greatly admired, but let’s be honest. Who controls themselves? I personally don’t control myself. I indulge myself selectively.

We have things happen we don’t know how to deal with, and yes, they sort of get shelved. But someday you have to thaw them out. The fire of your death burns the earth of your uncommon ground. The progress that makes us weak/collapse is the great leveller even if it doesn’t end our flesh and blood life. Death is a great advisor and forever disrespected. When your “life is reduced to ash”, that is the common ground we all stand on. We don’t stand on the shoulders of giants. We stand on the ash of great desires, of high minded ambitions.

To the shaman, that means there is a piece of energy still attached and I know I’m still dealing with mine. Yes, does it hurt yet? What does it hurt? I don’t feel that people hurt because they are unenlightened. I feel they are unenlightened because they do not hurt.

I get dizzy and a funny feeling like I can’t think, like I couldn’t then. How long have you been fighting with that?

Well over a decade. When will you stop that fight? What would happen if you stopped trying to feel right about that stuff?

I’m not even sure fighting is the right word, just trying to live through those times. How do you try to live?

I set things up in such a way that even when I can’t think, I am still getting things taken care of in life. It took lots of planning. Yes. A living death. Has it operated without trouble? People subscribe strongly to thoughts of “I can fix this”, “I can cope”. This causes a lot of pain and struggle. If it works for you then more power to you friend, but I do offer you can have a different way of being.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive
~science,mysticism,spirituality~