The great dharma wheel is nothing more complex than that. The big mystery in life is that there is no mystery.

My Emotional Transition in Fear

Fear of Self

Ever hear of imposter syndrome? The person trains themselves so well in keeping up with expectations that no one in their social group can find any fault, but they themselves even come to the point of having anxiety attacks because they feel they are faking it. That they are lying to everyone.

What makes us gravitate to any specific paradigm? By saying paradigms are all the same, I am not denying their value.

It suits our world view?

Social acceptance.

It matches our emotional transition. Does this sound untrue? Shall I use my own case?

For me the emotional transition was rough, I guess, in a strange way. I never developed the emotional orienting response and my feeding response was kind of mechanical. I experience feeding as being automatic, like my intestinal activity, but as a behaviour.

So when I made the emotional transition, I discovered new and more distressing noise, sources of pain and confusion where previously I had experienced more periods of quiet time and had long sleep periods. I came to understand that other (whoever they were) had widely variable ideas of how they should behave toward me. I was treated very differently by different people. This frightened me even more. I came to see everyone as inconsistent, all human behaviour as irregular and untrustworthy, with the exception of animals.

If someone doesn’t like me, I blame them. Clearly, they are not ready for my magnificence. I can’t conceive of the line of thought that leads to that blame, certainly not feeling it in any genuine way.

All I knew is, “They won’t stop the pain! They won’t stop scaring me!” I even tried clinging to my mother. She couldn’t stop the pain, but the familiarity taught me to anchor on familiar sensations, sounds, objects present, things said. This dulled the pain some though not the fear.

When I made the conceptual transition, I found that people don’t get equally emotional about everything. Some ideas and activities elicit very little emotional response so I was drawn to them. Computers originally were that way, books and education with some exceptions, even art. People don’t act in the way that distresses me as much when they are bemused or amused. This is why I am attracted to games. I can relax more around someone who’s just rocking out so to speak, or watching a sitcom. So naturally I am a media junky.

Happy vibes. Actually, even twisted happy vibes. I get a morbid pleasure even from unhappy things. As long as the people involved remain bemused, more or less as long as they keep dreaming, I am comfortable. If a person is gentle and sensitive, friendly and quiet, I can even share new dreams. I work at creating them.

So anyone else want to offer an example? 

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
Dragon Intuitive

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