The best searching will be done alone even in a marketplace of teachers, because they can’t sell you your own soul. When you see your own path clearly, then you see life differently.
As you go about your waking day, your mind is immersed in a constant sensory register, and your subconscious doesn’t distinguish between information it gets from your outwardly directed senses, and your internal sense of your physical and emotion well being and state of mind.
While you go about your day, the world as you experience it is an outgrowth of your learned mental processes. You have learned to focus and prioritize, to recognize some things as more important to you than other things, some things said to you as more important than other communication, and even some of this is in fact involuntary and instinctive as well. You instinctively prioritize body language and primal danger signs over anything more cerebral. It matters to your subconscious more that someone has raised their voice than any specific thing they might be saying in that raised voice.
So while you are awake, you are experiencing not a single life, but two. The one in the foreground, that you have come to know and understand well enough to function in, and the one in the background that emerges from the natural processes nature has set up for you and which, in a sense, you have no voluntary control over.
Though nature has set up a whole facet of your consciousness that you have no normal awareness of, this is not any effort to confuse or deceive you. Nature as a force does no such thing really ever. In one sense, the split is even necessary, but my point is that though this other side of the world is hidden from you, it is not at all off limits. Most approaches to interacting with it, though, are what you might consider passive.
Any time something has given you physical pain, that registers in your memory. Any time something has triggered an approach response in you, that also registers in your memory. In future encounters, you experience either the aversion or approach reactions automatically. As far as your subconscious mind is concerned the sight of cookies is the same as the desire to eat cookies, and the sight of, say, a horse with saddle in front of you, is the same as the pain from being thrown off that horse. The action of splitting these things into categories only occurs in your conscious thinking, and that classification is not always helpful let alone accurate. There are parts of your mind that run so deep that they will allow no real compromise or modification. The instinct we have that lets us interpret body language is richer and more complicated than even that, and this set of interpretations and meanings runs all through your dreaming experience.
So, the subconscious mind might frequently contradict itself, say, if one had BOTH “approach” experience and “painful” experience with something. Feeling “conflicted” perhaps. Yes, that’s true, which creates such a divergent pattern of behaviour in the mind that it infects your general orientation toward approach or avoidance. When your sense of connection to your innate instincts is compromised, it can be hard to recover it again, but it is not at all impossible.
Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.