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There is a mechanism behind sex. A way and process. A purpose. The taboo notion arises from the limited shallow view of it.

Pain in Relationship in Darkness


There can be pain in the change of ending one relationship, and starting another. Mourning loss is good, and allowing yourself to grow naturally into the new relationship is good also. Not immediately adopting a positive stance, because “you are supposed to”.

Another may want to fight with you, but you don’t owe any fight. You are not obligated to be anyone’s venue for dramatizing their issues. Another may accuse you of the very thing they are doing, and in Jungian psychology they call that the shadow. The shadow is all the things you are, but refuse to accept you are. They don’t leave you despite your rejection, and they can control your every move if held out of your awareness. Many of the “dark arts” are based on this insight, and exploiting it deliberately. If you claim a relationship with another, you invalidate it if you will not accept darkness and light in the other, boundaries and embrace, welcome and hesitancy.

It’s very difficult to have a balanced relationship in general.  One is a bit abusive, and the other the victim, and those roles change? Yes, it can be. In many traditions they make this statement; Like attracts like. You will attract your own mirror, and this is how they feel connected to you. If you feel no balance, you will not attract balance. But even in an imbalanced relationship, it’s still a mirror. It‘s still potentially good, and useful for you. The question is, were you paying attention?

We all want to be accepted as we are, but that is very difficult, especially when we think we are in love. People often swing between being immersed in their need for love, and denying that they need love. Both seem distorting influences. One thing I have always seen as a bit off in peoples behaviours is that they refuse to speak things like “She is a maniac”, or “He is a dog”, when they do genuinely feel it. They are so concerned for morality in principle, that they won’t let themselves experience the spirit of it. Even if the negative statement isn’t literally true, saying it and accepting that you feel it seems to help a lot. The supposedly “wrong” thing is sometimes actually right.

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The old infamous “losing myself” in a relationship? There is a conflict? Well, a perceived conflict, and perhaps an illustration of how perception dictates reality.

I feel it’s first important to listen to yourself, actually listen. If you do, you can be aware of that listening process, and know for sure if you’re listening to anyone else. When you listen to your inner self, listening to your partner just sort of happens, because you are accepting your listening. In Taoism, they would say you have the way of listening.

It’s a long way to learn something so simple? Yes, it can be. It requires a lot of unlearning, and people are afraid to say “I don’t know”. That is perhaps one of our greatest evils. How much wrong has been done because people won’t say “I don’t know”? It’s so simple, “I don’t know“.  Isn’t that the motivation for listening? I don’t know, so I want to hear? I don’t know, so lets see? Is “I don’t know” what is taking you forward in new relationship?

Many times we see and hear only what we want to see and hear, especially in romantic relationships? Indeed, and I think it’s because the reality of love is scary. Love is a dark thing, but people don’t admit it’s scary. They don’t admit they have rejected it partially, or all together.

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I don’t know why I don’t just give up? You don’t just give up, because it’s not your nature. It‘s scary, because people don’t want to be their nature. They want to be their ideas, and their ideas burn out usually. Ideas change, nature does not. Ideas coupled with nature have power.  Ideas contrary to nature bleed it.

Respect that shadow self. Don’t endorse any negative behaviours, but you cannot take responsibility for what you won’t accept is real. Perhaps we can see that in that dark part of ourselves, we aren’t actually a monster. That we villainize more of our light than we realize.

Your thoughts are welcome. Be well friends.

Travis Saunders
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(Bold, italicized text is input from One World class participants. Thank you!)

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